Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Quote of the day:

"You know what they say: If music be the food of love, then masturbation is just a snack between the meals"

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Anthem for tonight:

Here's pretty much all I have to say about tonight:

Quote of the day:

"My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others"

Friday night's delight

So, friday night, and I mean night, it's 02:57 as I'm writing this. Some observations:

Apparently Finland is choosing the song to represent us in the Eurovision Song Contest tonight (saturday). I've missed all the preliminary rounds, for the same fucked up reason I've missed the swedish Melodiefestivalen-crap. Sucks ass and stuff, but no-can-do. Gonna miss the final tonight as well, as I am supposed to be rocking out with Mr. Kotipelto. That ought to be fun, although I'm kinda nervous as we haven't played together in over a month and have really no time to rehearse. Well, he's a pro and I'm a moron, so I guess it'll be alright.

My friday night has been quiet and sober, up to a point. Then it was just sober. My mom called me around 23:00 that she's in a hospital. That's always a fun call to have. Then she called again later around 00:00 or something that she'll have to stay there, so I walked to the hospital to see her and take care of some stuff. Just came home a while ago. Well, at least it's a variation to the theme of getting hammered on weekends, although I have been now sober for almost 2 weeks. Won't be tomorrow, I can guarantee you that. I have deserved to drink myself into stupor and wake up with a terrible hangover. It's my goal. A few days binge might actually be fun, but I don't think it's doable at the moment, so lets just totally overdo it tomorrow. After the show of course, one still has to do one's job first.

I'm thinking about making a sandwich now and adding some tabasco for a kick. I've never tried it and it sounds weird, but hey, I want something spicy and am open for new experiences so wattafak.

I so wish I'd have a glass of whiskey at hand at the moment...

Friday, February 24, 2012

Metaphorical city

"Rome is burning..." How awesome would it be to be able to open up your blog entry with something like that? Of course, given the literary abilities of Yours Truly, the more appropriate opening line for me would probably be "It was a dark and stormy night...", which actually inspired a literary award for the worst opening line (the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest), along with being the opening line of every story Snoopy ever wrote. Am I truly comparing my writing abilities to those of a fictional beagle?

And to be quite honest, my Rome ain't burning. It lies in ruins already, but the rebuilding has begun. Nazis burned down Rovaniemi with scorched earth tactics while retreating in 1944, but the town was rebuild and stands proud on the arctic circle (Fun fact: I was actually born in Rovaniemi, but haven't lived there for a day). SYMBOLISM!!!!!

Rovaniemi in ruins

Quote of the day:

"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect"

Thursday, February 23, 2012

This is how you advertise:

In other news: I've been without a sip of alcohol for 11 days now. Should probably do something about it before I lose the sight of who and what I truly am :)

Quote of the day:

"Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat"

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Food for thought:

So, I understand that some of my posts in this blog make me come out as an utterly stupid person who just enjoys saying weird things. While that assumption, if you choose to make it, is totally valid and mostly true, I do occasionally dwelve in subjects other than my (magnificent) genitalia and the joys of over-indulging in drinking and other habits deemed unfit for a person by the society in which we live in.

Now, I'm not saying I know shit about the people reading my musings in this virtual vomit of thoughts that I spew into the cyberspace (mainly for my own amusement), but I would like to entertain a thought that at least some (hell, at least one) of you could actually be of the thinking kind as well. So people, to kick off this wednesday I shall present you with a video that I've enjoyed a lot and have watched a numerous times in the past. So, if you have around 20min to waste (although in this case I believe it's hardly a waste), check out the Richard Dawkins (yes, the infamous atheist, but this is not about religion) video below:

Quote of the day:

"I don't want to start any blasphemous rumours, but I think that God's got a sick sense of humor and when I die I expect to find him laughing"


I'm thinking about naming my balls Simon and Garfunkel, because they kinda look like them:

Not sure which should be which yet, I'll let you know. Was thinking for a while naming them "Milli" and "Vanilli", but came to think better of it. "Milli" would make it sound small as hell (they're not the size of bowling balls, but I still don't think I should belittle them). And "Vanilli", well, I'm pretty sure they don't taste like vanilla. Can't be sure though. I tried to taste, almost broke my back...

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

A true gentleman

Most of you readers probably didn't know this (I know for a fact that some of you do),  but my penis is a true gentleman, so let's all take a moment to think about my magnificent dong. He salutes you!

Quote of the day:

"And I was like baby, baby, baby ooh. Like baby, baby, baby no. Like baby, baby, baby ooh. I thought you'd always be mine"

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Quote of the day:

"All happiness or unhappiness solely depends upon the quality of the object to which we are attached by love"

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Whitney Houston

Yeah, she's dead. So is there a point in me writing about her? Yes and no. Just came to think of something.

I never cared too much for her. I think she was a phenomenal singer back in the day, in the times before Bobby Brown and Columbians Finest and whatnot. But I've never been a fan of hers, or any of the "diva" singers for that matter (Sure, Celine Dion is fine, if you like to listen to a singer that is pretty much perfect but also robotic and totally devoid of any emotion. Mariah Carey just annoys the living crap out of me.). Sure, the anthemic Dolly Parton cover from the Bodyguard was pretty good, and One Moment in Time, in all it's bombastic corniness still is a fine piece of work. But to be honest, Whitney never did much for me. So why am I writing about her?

Well, I was today listening to some old demos from way back. I remember we were recording vocals for one demo. I was recording and producing the vocals, and a good friend of mine was singing. We did a take and I told him "That's was pretty good but... Could you add a bit more of Whitney Houston to it?". And he knew what I meant, we did another take and that was it. So, the moral of my story is this:

If I can use her name as a reference and instruction, and the person instructed immediately gets what I mean, I think it's a testament to the fact that she has done something right and personified herself in music. Kudos for that! Her latter years seemed troubled and sad, may she rest in piece.

Now I on the other hand, I wanna dance with somebody.

Personal growth?

Ok, what the fuck is happening here? There's been many posts by me in a row now without too much bitching, moaning and cursing... Who are you and what have you done with the real Jani? This is not the man we know and love to hate...

Quote of the day:

"No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are made. Destiny is made known silently."


I most definitely don't have a hangover. I didn't drink, smoke or snort anything yesterday, so I should feel like a hundred bucks, right? WRONG! Here's a good recipe: Stay awake for 30h straight, right in the end of the stint go and do some snow-work (if you don't have snow you can replace this with any menial but physically demanding job). After that fall asleep on the couch for an hour and a half. I guarantee you that when you wake up you feel like you've been hit by a freight train...

Totally worth it though :)

Friday, February 17, 2012

So it's friday night...

Yours Truly, the wayward son, the black sheep of the family who drinks too much is sitting on a couch, sober, not even planning to go anywhere or drink anything that contains alcohol (or do any other kinds of drugs either, for that matter). Why? Because I can, that's why! I don't even feel like drinking. Drank quite a lot last week, and next week it's back to work, and my work, for better or worse, involves drinking. Yeah yeah, I know it's a choice, but you trying doing that shit sober, I dare you! :)

Quote of the day, video edition:

Thursday, February 16, 2012


Is awesome! :)

In other news, THIS song is still amazing. I remember when we toured with Doro and Altaria in 2006, when I was still playing with SA. Good times on that tour :) I must confess that I wasn't a big Doro fan, didn't actually know shit about her, or her music, but when I first heard this song I was sold. Still think it's awesome. Too bad the narrator in the lyrics is a woman. Would love to make a version of that song, but that would sound preeetty damn weird ("Asked god for a woman and ended up with me", tranny much??? :)

I actually had the pleasure to meet Johnny Dee, Doro's drummer again last summer when I was at Sauna Open Air festival with some friends. Too bad I didn't see Doro and the guys live, as I was there only for a day, but it was really nice seeing him again. Cool and funny guy :)

J&J after Sauna. Gotta love my True Metal T-shirt :)

Sometimes one pair just doesn't cut it...

Hello folksies!

How's it hanging? Mine's loosely on the left. Woke up about an hour ago, felt fairly well rested and to my surprise also fairly content, almost cheerful. That's kinda rare these days, but I ain't complaining.

Yesterday I went jogging, and today my legs hurt. I can tell now for those of you who haven't empirically tested this yet that jogging in the snow IS way harder that one would think. But I did, and I'm glad I did. I rule!

Now I'm having some coffee, reading the news and pondering about my future projects. Not too long a go I was under the impression that I didn't have too much on the pipeline, but now it seems I have 4 different projects starting or already on the works. Thankfully none of them have a very strict deadlines yet, so I don't worry about getting overly stressed. Also, my 1 month+ hiatus from gigging is coming to an end next week, which is nice. I've been sitting on my ass for way too long now. Next week me and Mr. Kotipelto are gonna drag our collective asses on the road to perform our spectacular acoustic super show (yes, that was sarcasm) again. Kinda bummed though, since I was supposed to play in this Rock Poker-tournament in helsinki on the 25th, but apparently I'm gonna be playing some acoustic rock music 700km away from the Casino Helsinki. Well, can't have everything. Playing cards is fun, playing music is better.

This was a good "waking up song" today. I like pop-rock. Should consider a chance of genre for myself probably :)

Quote of the day:

"Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion."

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I share this feeling:

Quote of the day:

"Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did."

I lol'd

By far the funniest thing I've heard today:

"It's kinda weird to have sex with someone who has such a soft skin. I felt a bit like shagging a very delicate girl with a huge dick."

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I love this song:

and this one:

Quote of the day, Valentine's edition:

"A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her."


For most of you people out there today is Valentine's  Day.
For me today is Tuesday.

Weird experience...

So, Yours Truly took quite the trip down the memory lane tonight. I read a tour diary of sorts from waaaay back, which I didn't even write myself. And no, this was not even a tour with my main act at the time, just something small and intimate. Funny how I had forgotten so much, but just reading about it did not only bring back the memories, but also all the feelings connected to that time in my life. I've always been somewhat of a train wreck, but apparently there has been some really happy times as well. To quote Hank Moody, who was paraphrasing Charles Dickens, "It was the best of times... If only someone would've told me".

Some thoughts came to mind: First, I've been insanely lucky and gotten way more than what I probably would've deserved, and second, I apparently have shit for brains. No news there...

Regrets, we all have our share of them. There has been so many things I should've done, even more that I should not have done, way too many people I owe an apology to, many people I should've told to go fuck themselves. People walk in and out of wrong doors all the time, that's just how things work I suppose. Bottom line is that should've / would've / could've has never done any good for anyone, as far as I know. Feel free to try and prove me wrong here.

I don't even know what the hell I am trying to say here, pretty confusing times we are living. If I were to leave you guys with some sort of wisdom now, if there is one piece of advice I could give you that you'd hopefully remember after you close this browser window, this is it:

Carpe the fuck out of that diem while you can. It may very well be that it's the best of times, and no one will be there to tell you that.

No, I'm not gonna end up with a joke this time. This is it. I know I don't say this nearly as often as I should to the people who deserve to hear it, but I love you. You know who you are.

Monday, February 13, 2012

I wrote a poem:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Fuck you too

Monday's misconceptions

Hello all you people who actually feel the need to waste your time by reading my incoherent ramblings. Boy are you in for a treat today, as Yours Truly, the Magic That Is Me has not slept at all last night. I remember looking at the clock around 10:00 and going "Holy heart failure Batman!", but still sleep has eluded me. Maybe I'm slipping into psychosis, the cold hands of madness are reaching for my fragile mind... Or then it's just the lack of coffee. I'l fix that now.

I was actually gonna write about something, but now my pretty little head is totally empty, completely devoid of thought. Well, actually one thought comes to mind: TITS!

Titties are awesome and everyone who disagrees with me is probably gay and should be flogged to death for crimes against humanity, disrespecting titties. (Not for being gay. I don't care if guys like to take it up the back door or suck cock or watch Twilight, I'm not THAT judgemental. Just don't be dissin' them titties!)

I may seem to be a bit out of my mind at the moment, but inside my head I'm swimming in a sea of titties, so it's all good. Nothing to see here folks, as you were.

Quote of the day:

"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."

Ever notice...

...how about 98% of the people who are sharing and linking pictures like this:

They are fucking fat themselves! The remaining 2% is guys who are into fatties, chubby chasers. And btw, if someone now got offended, boo-fucking-hoo, I don't give a flying fuck. Political correctness can suck my cock!


I just wanted to add another "Ever notice", this one from the late great Bill Hicks:

"You ever notice that everyone who believes in creationism looks really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet.

-I believe God created me in one day

Yeah, looks like he rushed it."

Sunday, February 12, 2012


Yesterday don't mean shit, as Phil Anselmo so eloquently put it years ago. I'll give you some cliffs though:

  • A woman in a bar told me told that I should hit on the girl sitting next to me, as she is very beautiful. Nice advice, but that girl was my sister...
  • A man insisted on giving me money after I sang a song in karaoke. I guess he liked it. Or then he paid me for never to do that again, can't be sure.
  • I don't have much to talk with people I used to know back in the day. Awkward...
  • I was almost out of the bar and on my way home already, but ended up going to an after party and drinking until morning. Some friends are dangerous company.
And as this would not be my blog if I wasn't bitching and whining all the time I will leave you all in a bum note so no one will get too cheerful or happy-go-lucky:

  • I noticed that the swedish Melodiefestivalen started yesterday. For many years now one of my favorite things has been to follow that crap with a special someone. Too bad we are not in talking terms, or any other kind of terms either with her anymore, so that's gone to hell as well. Bummed the living fuck out of me last night. FML.

Quote of the day:

"Life is too short to dance with fat girls."

Sorry to disappoint you...

...but I'm still alive...


Wine is fine, but whiskey's quicker.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Who would've thunken...

Here I am, in the midst of kids and teens. Thoughts so far:

1) Jukka Poika was great!

2) The band after him was fucking horrible, tekotaiteellista paskaa!

3) The band after that was a good rockband, dug it! The guitarist had some technical difficulties and ended up throwing his guitar and other shit around, which was pretty funny, but also a total asshole thing to do towards your bandmates...

4) Grooving High Allstars just started, and they're great as always!


Hello handsomes and handsomettes!

I am waiting my ride at the moment and am a bit bored, so I thought I'd entertain and humiliate myself by sharing a story with you, as I was reminded about this incident recently. The names have been changed or erased or whatnot to protect the innocent.

Our story takes place in a distant past, I'm not quite sure about the timeframe, but this was at least ten years ago, when yours truly was, if possible, even more immature and irresponsible than I am nowadays. Back then I was playing some shows with a certain band (no, not the band from where most of you know me from). Our tour was ending and we had the last show in a town where I had spent quite a lot of time previously while working on some songs and album-stuff. Always when in town I stayed in a same place, a certain hostel that was affordable and had a very convenient location. I had actually spent so much time there that the elderly lady running the place knew me already and always gave me the same room.

So, after the last show it common to have an after-show party, and that's what we did. You all can guess that such event involves excessive drinking, and this party was no exception. So after the show me, the guys from the band and some other people hit a nightclub and started the usual antics of rocking out after the actual rocking out that one is paid for. My memories are a bit hazy, but I can tell you that large quantities of beer and numerous shots were consumed. Everything has to come to an end though, and this was true also for the after-show party. 

So, it's shit o'clock and yours truly stumbles back to the hostel, like so many times before. And not alone, mind you. I had some company in the form of a very attractive member of the opposite sex. Well, you can probably guess that what happened next was preeetty X-rated stuff, lets just say we engaged in some amorous activities. This is all still fine and dandy, but what happened next is the, in lack of a better word, interesting part:

At some point during these amorous activities I decided to go into the hallway. Why I did that is anyone's guess, I'd like to think that I wanted to use the toilet, as that would make the most sense, but since it's me we are talking about one can never be too sure.

So, I stumble in the hallway, butt-naked. As I walk down the hallway I notice something. I am not alone. The elderly woman who runs the place is also in the hallway. So what do I do? One could argue that the correct thing here would've been to quickly retreat back to the safety of my boudoir. Did I do that? Nope, of course not. Instead I, for some reason, decide to engage in a discussion with the lady in question. So there I am, butt-naked in the hallway, talking to a probably 55+ years old woman, while sporting a raging erection. How the hell did I not get arrested? I would actually pay good money to hear how our conversation went, since I have no memory of what was discussed whatsoever. Proud moment for me...

And to answer the obvious follow-up question, yes, I did continue staying in that same hostel after this incident every time I came to town. Fuck that lady was a trooper, totally unfazed by a naked idiot rocker, she'd deserve a medal for that. I wonder how she's doing nowadays...


To see that event with Jukka Poika and some other bands. This is somekind of youth happening with zero-tolerance for intoxication, so I'm going sober to a group gathering of people. That's VERY unlike me. Wish me luck!

No clue...

...what to do tonight. There would be this concert-thingy later that would have one artist I'd like to see, but I really don't like going to these kind of events, so I'm kinda torn. Here's the artist for those of you who are interested:


I wished upon a star and it gave me the finger. Now what?

"Good" morning fuckers

So, yesterday I had beer. It was good. I also saw The Grammers live, and fuck they were good! Had to love the fact that the singer had an insane hangover and still sang better than 99,99% of the singers I've seen. Awesome, I dug it a lot. Real rock music that makes the beer taste better. See for yourselves and know that live it was 100x better:

The Grammers - Silver of Zion :

The Grammers- Million :

If you have a chance to see this band live, DO IT! It's worth it.

Quote of the day:

Actually I think this is the quote of a lifetime...

"Just because you've forgotten, that don't mean you're forgiven"

Fucking 'ell!

I am just watching the best live band I've seen in years! I'll post you details tomorrow!

EDIT: Damn it took me long to figure out what happened with the header of this post. I was pretty sure I wasn't so drunk as to post gibberish, and now I finally got it. Apparently this blog doesn't like apostrophe on the header, especially if you post from your phone. So in a nutshell, no, I didn't go insane with the header...

Friday, February 10, 2012

Once again, word!

Some thoughts:

Here's some thoughts:

  • Considering that I am first and foremost a musician this blog has surprisingly little to do with actual music. I'll try to remedy that at some point and write something with actual substance, although I doubt anyone is interested in that. It's much more fun to read about me being an ass
  • Rehab is for quitters
  • Today is a fine day for drinking

I do realize that all this makes me sound somewhat of a Bukowskian (<- there's a word I never thought I'd use... ) cliché, but so fucking what ?

Today there's that tattoo-thingy (Actual tattoos, not that fucking lame military music thing they sometimes have. Why is that shit called tattoo anyway???)  I mentioned earlier. Going with my brother-in-law and Mr. Koskinen. Maybe one can get another picture drawn on one's skin. I could use something. Something offensive preferably.

That day is coming again...

So here's how it goes:


Seems like I'm in a really foul mood today, would like to kill someone. The only thing comforting is that all of you assholes are eventually gonna die anyway. So, if I will give you all an earful today and tell you to go fuck yourselves, it's because you people deserve it. Peace out!

Quote of the day:

"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes."

Another movie...

Watched Iron Man 2 today as well, as it happened to be running on tv. Still crap. Went to see it in the movie theater when it came out, hated it then, hated it now. Seems like they took out everything that made the first one a decent film and replaced that with explosion. Bigger bang does not a good movie make, idiots. On a positive note, it did cause me to put a picture of Scarlett Johansson as my desktop background, making my computer using experiences a whole lot nicer. Quite a hottie that one, I wonder if I'd have a shot...

Thursday, February 9, 2012

It's a bit troubling...

It's nice that they send me penis enlargement and viagra adds, but HOW DO THEY KNOW???


While loosely on the subject, can anyone recommend me some good porn?

A dream within a dream

Yep, I watched Inception again, still fucking great! I rarely watch movies alone, since I feel like it's waste of my time, but I made an exception now. Great movie, great soundtrack by a great composer. I used to hate DiCaprio (yep, because of Titanic), but I have to admit he's pretty good and has been in numerous movies that I've enjoyed, like this one, Shutter Island, The Aviator etc.

Not sure what to do now, at least first I'll defy the cold and go for a smoke...

Quote of the day:

"I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth."

When you're hungover...

The first cigarette of the day is quite the thriller. Which reminds me that I need to post the quote of the day, I'm gonna go with a smoking-related one for today. Hang on tight.

How are you?

I'm fine thanks for asking. And lying through my teeth, I'm not fine. I have quite the hangover and everything is shit, like always. Btw, this blog has surprisingly gotten quite a few hits already, I don't know if I should be flattered or worried, maybe a bit of both. Anyway, thanks fuckers, treat yourselves a donut and think of me!

But yeah, about last night... It all started innocently enough with me going to a local bar that I used to frequent when I still lived in this town. I ordered a mint cocoa, since I was once again freezing my wonderful, magnificent, divine balls off. It was on the house since I used to be a patron in this place for so long, which was of course a nice surprise. Here's a pic to make you envious:

I went to this bar with Mr. Koskinen of Sydänpuu fame (pun intended) , but he being a famous radio voice has to wake up at shit o'clock, so I was left to my own devices at some point. There was a guy I know playing pool and I joined him, we shoot some pool and have a few drinks and decide to go bar hopping, which is apparently evident from my last few blog entries, the last one of them which I don't even remember making. Yes, I'm awesome, I know.

At the last bar we went to things got a tad bit out of hand:

After that incident my memories of the night get kinda hazy... Actually when I woke up I had no idea how I got back here. Now I do remember, I took a taxi, which was driven by a guy that used to play bass in my first real band, that was preeeettty surreal experience. And now of course I have a hangover. Would you trust your daughter with this man:

Yeah, me neither...

I would like to...

...share some insights about last night with you. None come to mind though...




All is fair fair in love and war? If there's no love in 24h it's gonna be war MOTHERFUCKERS!


Has hope

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Something for you folks

Here's something for you folks, it's one of my favorites. Those of you who know me well (I don't think many of you do, but at least someone) know that when push comes to shove I'm a hopeless romantic, but I still find this song very fitting and to-the-point, I guess it speaks to the more logical side of my character, or whatever... But what he sings is pretty much how shit works, for better or worse. And also from a musical standpoint I find that some of the vocal harmonies are pretty awesome considering the rhythmically fairly complex lines he's spitting out.

Btw, if you enjoyed this video, and even if you didn't but you ARE religious I very much suggest you also check out his other, very fittingly named song  "Ten Foot Cock and a Few Hundred Virgins".

In other news: I think I'll pop out for a beer later, I'm turning into a couch potato otherwise. Well, at least already it's a couch potato with a pint of beer. Later hopefully losing the couch and the potato, becoming just "beer". Actually I think it goes the other way around and beer becomes a part of me, or something... Wattafak, aivan sama.

Are you stressed and depressed?


It works for me.

Wednesday's woes

Hello hillbillies and heartthrobs alike!

Yours truly is still here, the morning sun has vanquished the horrible night. Wednesday, or as we used to call it, "little Saturday", is much better than Monday or Tuesday, but not as good as Saturday or Sunday.

I have no clue what to do today. It would be a decent night to go out and consume some alcoholic beverages, but a) I'm in Kemi and judging by how quiet the Friday was I don't think Wednesdays are much of a party night in this town either anymore. They used to be, back in the day. And b) I don't really have anyone to go with, which would be totally ok in some other town, but I really don't feel like heading out all by myself in this town. But at least I'll go out to the centrum in the evening so the cabin fever doesn't get the best of me.

I think I will now have some more coffee and a shower and then continue with my reading for a while:

What have you been reading lately?

Quote of the day:

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally." 

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


I'm starting to think my blog entries make me seem like a retard with a strong bipolar disorder and violent mood swings. Probably not too far from the truth ...


Just kidding girls, I'm not packing anything lethal. Although I guess during a raging erection it could be used in clubbing baby seals to death. So maybe...

Quote of the day:

"When a man bleeds inwardly, it's a dangerous thing for himself ; but when he laughs inwardly, it bodes no good to other people."

-That's some Dickens, Charles Dickens. I chose him for today because today, 7th of February 2012, it has been 200 years since his birth. Don't say I never teach you guys anything.

Famous last words:

"Now,  now, my good man, this is not the time for making enemies."

-Voltaire's last words, on his death bed when asked by a priest to renounce Satan. Funny little bugger, that Voltaire. Have to start thinking about what will be my last words. One never knows when one has to spit them out, so better to be prepared, like a faggy little boy scout.

Monday, February 6, 2012

I did it again

The snow-show. Pushing that white crap around in the yard. Because it's good exercise, and we all know that I can really use some. Stickmen are not generally concidered too attractive. And of course I want to make myself useful every once in a while as well. So I did it. I rule!

I'm quite bored at the moment, mondays really aren't my thing, and there's not too much to do in this town on mondays, except push snow around and browse the internet. Haven't found anything interesting enough to share with you folks today yet, sorry.

There would be this tattoo-thing in Tornio, a city close by, on friday and saturday. I'm thinking of going, although I'm really iffy about the town. Last time I was there I though most of the locals acted like total morons. Of course I'm originally from Kemi myself, and there is this rivalry thing between the two towns so you might argue that I am biased. Maybe I am, but I still think that if you are in a bar and you've finished your beer the correct thing to do is NOT to throw the glass pint over your shoulder. Fucking retards...

But I could use another tattoo. Maybe on my cock. Or maybe not. One will have to see.


Yep, that's how I feel at the moment...


Seeing people with IQ smaller than their shoe size writing platitudes in English feels like wiping my ass with sandpaper after eating large amounts of chili the previous day...

I do it too (the platitudes, not the wiping with sandpaper), but I have a large head and normal sized feet, so I think I'm safe.

Quote of the day:

"And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With old odd ends, stol'n forth of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil"

A New week...

Monday seems to be here. I'm not too keen on it, they generally have nothing to offer for the likes of me. I don't hate them as much as certain cartoon cat does, but I'm not a fan either.

I just went outside to work as a "janitor", meaning that I went and took care of the all the show piled up on the yard during the night. You should've probably seen it, I bet it looks hilarious when a wannabe-rocker tries to actually do something. But I handled the shit out of, the yard is clean and my muscles (or the places where normal people have muscles) hurt. Way to go me!

No idea what to do now, maybe I'll just continue with my research.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Well well...

I had already given up on this day when I woke up, thinking that this will be a totally worthless and useless, even without the hangover. I was wrong. I actually had a first real meeting about a project I was first approached about already last year. It would seem that I'm actually gonna do it. If it will actually happen it will be my most ambitious project to date. I'm very excited, and a little bit scared, but in a good way. Have to start doing some research.

Btw, I think this will take at least 2 years to complete, so don't hold your breath folks. I just wanted to write something positive for a change, since it seems to me all I've done so far in this blog is whine. Thumbs up and shit!

If you are bored and have time to kill...

...and let's face it, as you are reading this blog you are and you have, here's a good page to browse. You might even learn something, and we all know that wouldn't hurt:


No Helen, no hangover

That actually pretty much sums it up, I don't know what to add. I guess the lack of female contact yesterday was pretty much my own fault, I wasn't really searching as hard as I should've. Had fun though, just hanging out with Mr.R and later singing karaoke with my sister. Didn't drink that much either. Nor did I rock out with my cock out. My magnificent penis stayed inside my pants the whole time. It's a crying shame, really.

Today is the election day, and boy do I not give a flying fuck. That of course makes me an idiot, at least by it's Greek definition and etymology. But I'm an idiot in every other way as well, so what the fuck. I am a tad bit annoyed by people who need to comment on that shit and advertise their political stance all the fucking time. I hope this doesn't turn into same kind of shitstorm that happened after the parliamentary election. It was somewhat funny, but mostly just annoying. I think I might have to ban myself from the social media for a while so my blood pressure doesn't rise sky high after reading people's idiotic comments. But whatever, I fully endorse people's right to be idiots, this is a free country after all. Or almost free, but I'll get to that some other time. I don't feel like ranting about society or giving any social commentary at the moment.

Actually I don't know what I would feel like at the moment. Feeling kinda... I don't even know what. Seems like I don't know a lot today, which of course is not a big change from my "normal" self. I find my brain lacking the capacity to write anything worthwhile right now (do I ever write anything worthwhile? I don't think so), so I'll wrap this up for now and get back when my brain wakes up. Hail Satan!

Quote of the day:

"Nobody likes you, you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you fucking douche."

Saturday, February 4, 2012

On this episode of Jani:

I shall now head to casa de Koskinen, sauna+beers+the hunt for Helen. Tomorrow the hangover-Jani will let you guys know how it went. My hopes aren't too high, but a man's gotta try. I'll rock out with my cock out. Later fags, smoke 'em if you got 'em!

Jani's songwriting workshop, lesson 1:

Hello and welcome to my songwriting workshop. On this course I will guide you through the process of writing a great song. Lets begin. As in most cases, also in songwriting preparation is everything. First I want all you aspiring composers to acquire the essential equipment needed for writing a musical masterpiece. They are pictured below (the iPhone is not required, I'm just too lazy to edit it out) :

Do you have everything needed? Good. Now write a song.


No story worth telling in the history of mankind has started with the words "I remember this one time I was having a salad...".

Therefore, I drink.

Dagen efter

Some notes about last night:

1. Kemi is a really quiet town on friday nights.

2. -30c is fucking cold.

3. Even drinking in moderation can result in a hangover.

4. My Helen of Troy most likely doesn't live in Kemi.

All in all, not that spectacular night, but I did have fun. Behold the three musketeers of mystery and mayhem:

Charming fellows... Also went sightseeing, here's the results:

I think that's the snow castle. Can't be sure. Might be the gates of hell in a festival lightning.

Tonight I will go out again. Because I can. I'll go hitting on girls way too young for me and feel like shit about it tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Quote of the day:

"I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out"

Friday, February 3, 2012

Not a good turn of events


It would seem to me now that I'm well on my way to becoming a woman-hater. And for someone who loves the opposite sex as much as I do, that's quite a feat. I mean, I love women, I have all their albums. But when you get fucked (metaphorically) more times than you'd care to recall it kinda starts to wear you down. I just don't trust those fuckers anymore.

I guess I have too high standards when it comes to the prettier sex. I want a woman who is beautiful (Yes, I'm so shallow that I'll put that first on the list), intelligent, nice, has amazing sense of humor and a way with words. Not a combo that's easy to find. I've only met a handful of those during the 31 years I've tread on this god-forsaken planet of ours, and as you are reading this you can all guess how those worked out. But I'm not gonna lower my standards, so if it comes to that, "Forever Alone".

The story of my life seems to be that I keep on looking for that perfect woman, the woman of my dreams, my Helen of Troy. And when I finally find her she is looking for the man of her dreams. And I'm not it.

This is really not a good mood to try and go out sober, would seem like that idea is doomed from the start. The sweet oblivion of intoxication feels like a beautiful escape from the misery that is my life at the moment. One will see what happens, but my expectations are not that high. So, here's to all of you who can't drink anymore!

See you on the other side assholes!

Another day, another... day?

Went to see my grandma today. She's easy to make happy, all I have to do is show up :) After that more hide and seek and other assorted games with my nieces. Later tonight I'm planning to try something quite courageous, I plan to hit the Kemi bar scene with my friends while... SOBER! Well, relatively sober, I am gonna allow myself a beer while having a sauna. But no excessive drinking like usually when attacking the watering holes of Kemingrad. I'm scared already...

Quote of the day:

"There is no life without love. None worth having, anyway."

Thursday, February 2, 2012

I'm tempted...

... to post a picture of my magnificent balls that have been mentioned twice today already, but I fear it would get my blog banned. But they do look something like this:


Only bigger.

ad lib

Dear Diary, here's some random shit:

Shit 1:

Still cold (still talking about the weather...), I must say I chuckled a little when I stepped outside to walk approx 3km to have a coffee with a friend of mine. It was -25c and the first song that started playing on my headphones as I took my first steps was "This is gonna hurt". No shit Sherlock :) But I'm a fucking trooper.

But I did make it to the centrum of kemi and we went to have a coffee. And then a beer.  And then to the store. And then to his place to have some warm rum. All in all it was a lot of fun, aside for freezing my precious little balls off, again. We talked about women, reached no conclusion, except maybe the fact that we've both matured a little since our younger years. At least we'd like to think so :) Here's a pic from the centrum, featuring my friend, who some of you might recognize:

Kemi looked prettier than I remembered, they've really spruced up the place. Felt almost nostalgic.

Shit 2:

I've recently disproved the theory that if you have bad luck in cards you have luck in love, and vice versa. It's total crap. I've run like shit on both now for a few days, especially today, so fear not my card playing friends. Success does not limit your chances and badbeats are not an excuse to go cunthunting. Take it from me boys (and girls), the two things are not in anyway related or have any kind of synergy or whatnot.

To use poker terms I went all-in in a situation where it was almost a coinflip, I'd say I had AKo vs. QQ, that's roughly 46% vs. 54% if I recall correctly (I'll give the same odds on the fact that someone corrects me about this). Preflop all-in, no A, no K, lost the pot. Had similar run on poker today, lost a few buy-ins. So fuck that theory, if your luck is shit, it's shit. End of story. Life sucks, get a fucking helmet.

Shit 3:

There's a presidential election coming up in Finland, and boy are people bat-shit insane about that. I don't understand how normal people can get so fucking worked up, with such a tunnel vision and all.

My political stance is none of your business, but I'll give you this:

To all you people who won't vote for Haavisto because he is gay I'll say this: FUCK YOU!

To all you people who vote for Haavisto because he is gay I'll say this: FUCK YOU TOO!

If that alienated you I suggest you go back and read the sentences above until you get it (Hint: the keyword here is "because"). Here's a picture to clarify it for all of you too stupid to catch my drift:

Geddit fuckers??? I'm sick and tired of hearing about this shit, thank god it's over soon...

I probably had Shit 4. figured out as well, but I seem to have forgotten it. I'll get back to you when I remember it or want to ramble on about something else. Until then, take care little chipmunks!


I had to check the AKo vs. QQ odds with Pokerstove, because it bothered me. Here's the results for those who care (I'm guessing no one but me does, but I on the other hand don't give a fuck about that) :

equity win tie      pots won pots tied
Hand 0: 42.835%   42.66% 00.17%        730541     2927.00   { AcKd }
Hand 1: 57.165%   56.99% 00.17%        975909     2927.00   { QhQs }

I was off quite a bit, have to work on my poker-math. That's all, as you were people.

My frickin' god (no, I usually don't write that with capitals)

Still -27celsius, just went outside to have my morning cancerstick and froze my poor little balls off. The trees look very picturesque, but it's WAY too cold to go and take photos. Shame.

Still talking about the weather, becoming a very civilized person indeed. Maybe next I'll head to the opera. I actually would like to go to the opera, but I don't think I know anyone who would want to go with me and I would feel like an idiot going by myself. So I think maybe I'll wait for a while. Maybe I'll someday meet a nice girl who'd like to go to the opera with me. Probably not though...

Now one needs a double dose of coffee to get this old motor running.


Drinking the coffee. Thinking about growing a beard. And a spine.

Preeetty effin cold...

See, I'm talking about the weather, just like a civilized person. No, but seriously, it's fucking -27celsius in Kemi, makes you want to cut back on your smoking, a lot. How the hell did I survive here for 26ish years? Maybe I've just become a pussy...

How do you like them apples???

Today I've done basically nothing but played with my nieces. Board games, hide and seek, the human horse, reading children's books... You name it, I've done it. And it's fun! Bet you didn't know that about me :)

During the night I've played poker, first nice steady grind up, then the traditional KK vs. AA setup and immediately after losing with KJ vs. 33 on a JJx board. Of course the turn was a 3. Congrats, you hit your two-outer. Ended with some profit still though, so not all is lost.

Now I'll see what my homeboy Hank Moody is up to and then it's off the soothing oblivion of my personal slumberland. Thank you and goodnight, Jani signing off...